WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM (ALMOST) 2.5 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

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Oh goodness this could be a long post. It could also be a post I can look back on in twenty years and LOL at. I do realize I'm a rookie when it comes to marriage. 2.5 years can still be considered newlywed life! So do forgive me if I sound naive, I'm no marriage expert!

Since we've been talking about relationships the past few days (here are the posts... Not Settling, My #1 Relationship Rule, Dancing with Myself) it's about time I talked about marriage!!

So what can I say about marriage?

1. It's crazy hard yet crazy amazing.

And I guess that's a thing you can guarantee about marriage...it will be awesome but it will be hard. When you love someone, you have to be vulnerable. You just can't love without vulnerability. And when we are vulnerable, when we trust someone with our delicate hearts, we will get hurt...it's inevitable. People are people and we make mistakes. C.S. Lewis says it best, so let's let him take it away....

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
- C.S. Lewis

To be honest, James and I have had many ups and many downs in our marriage. We've had high seasons and we've had low seasons. Things have been really good and things have been really hard. But through it all, we have fought for our marriage. Whether it has been one of us or both of us, we have persevered, we haven't given up.

There are some verses from 1 Corinthians 13 which have been such an encouragement and anchor to remind me how I ought to love James. I have these words written on a sticky note on my work computer and honestly I find myself reading them at least once a week.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is the type of love that I vowed to love James with. A love that is not surface level but has incredibly deep roots. On that day, 2.5 years ago, I vowed to love him with a love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.

Through the easy times, obviously it has been easy to love him in this way but ahhhh through those painstaking seasons, it has been hard BUT it has been worth it.

2. Know your best days are before you.

Our motto for our marriage has been, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." I will view our marriage through the eyes of HOPE. Through the 2.5 years, things have only gotten better as we have grown closer. And I know we have many many future obstacles but God has been so faithful and I know that is not going to change so I refuse to look to the future with a pessimistic view. I believe wholeheartedly that the best is yet to be.

3. Prayer changes things.

Pray for your spouse. Every single day. Prayer works and changes things. #nuffsaid

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Hope you have the BEST day whether you are in a relationship or not. Know that you are LOVED!!!!!!

xoxo,

s.s.♥︎.

DANCING WITH MYSELF...ON HAVING THE BEST VALENTINES DAY NO MATTER WHAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS

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Welcome to day three of the relationship series over here on SSHEART! 

On Tuesday I talked about NOT SETTLING and yesterday I talked about MY #1 RELATIONSHIP RULE....and today I wanted to touch on HAVING THE BEST VALENTINES DAY NO MATTER WHAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS IS!

 As I shared with you on Tuesday, until the past three years, I had always been single on Valentines day. Every other day of the year I enjoyed being single but stinking Valentines Day (ok to be honest there were nights when I found myself hysterically crying out to God, "WHERRREEE IS MY MAN!!!!!!!!" LOLS) Anyways...Valentines is the day of the year that has this funny/horrible super power that makes you very aware of your relationship status....Some people call it National Singleness Awareness Day.... 

But the good news is you can FIGHT BACK. Your super power is bigger and stronger. You got this. You can have fun and the BEST Valentines Day no matter what your relationship status is!

I found an old post (from 2012!!) where I gave tips on what to do and what not to do on Valentines Day, so I thought it would be fun to repost it....

Here are some practical DOs & DONTs to get you through the day…

DO

1. Spread love to others! You can’t really be sad & lonely if you’re loving other people!

2. Eat LOTS of chocolate.

3. Pray for your future mate. (God’s got this one covered honey, TRUST HIM.)

4. Hang with friends! Watch a comedy, go out for dinner, have a party.

5. Spend some time with Jesus. He’s the one who loves you most.

DON’T

1. Watch too many chick flicks.

2. Look at Wedding Blogs.

3. Pin your future wedding.

4. Not eat chocolate.

5. Let the enemy tell you, you’re going to be alone forever…YOU AIN’T!! God’s prepping your MOG (Man of God) for you!!!!!

When I look back now, I wouldn't mind adding a few more things....

1. Enjoy your freedom!!!

-Enjoy the ability to be able to do what you want, when you want. Spend your money on what you want to spend your money on (saving would be wise as well lol). Your life will not always be like that so enjoy it while you can. 

2. Take time to examine your life and make life changes.

-We all carry junk with us into our relationships and the best advice I can offer is work on your stuff. See a counsellor, go to Celebrate Recovery, find a mentor. Work through stuff in your past while you don't have the distraction of another person (and their past stuff). In doing this, you will really get to know yourself and the person God has created you to be.

3. Live your dreams!!!

-Don't you dare wait till your married to do what God's called you to do. Travel. Do missions. Start that business. Graduate from college. Serve at church. Go dancing :)

So what about you? What are your Valentines Day plans? Or do you have a fave sans relationship Valentines Day memory?

Would love to hear from you!

stay gold,

s.s.♥︎.

P.S. Tomorrow I'll be sharing about love/marriage advice from a marriage rookie AND James and I have entered this contest to win a super sweet package (one night stay at hotel and couples massage...yes please!!!) If you could do me the biggest favour and like/comment these instagram photos (just click on the links below!!) I will love you forever!!! 

PHOTO 1  
PHOTO 2
 

THANK YOU!! XOXOXO

MY #1 RELATIONSHIP RULE

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Hello there. Today I'm back with another post on relationships. Yesterday's post was about NOT SETTLING! I know, I know, I told you yesterday I was going to write about fun Valentines ideas but that will come tomorrow (hopefully!) because I feel like today I should write about my #1 relationship rule.

Well it's actually my #2 relationship rule...because the #1 is the boy better LOVE JESUS. 
And well my #2 relationship rule is a bit controversial. I know many people will disagree but I gotta share what God puts on my heart...ok? :)

I shared yesterday how I was that girl who often liked boys who didn't like her back. I would often find myself having conversations with my friends like this..."Well he texted me back right away. And then he said this....He so likes me." "Did you see him smile at me..ahhhh!!!" "He's been flirting all night with me!"
I would rationalize and rationalize and rationalize and ask for "signs" from God if the guy liked me....(goooossssh, I sound so crazy.) 
I would convince myself that the guy liked me. And then I would muster up the courage to tell the boy I liked him and then.....you guessed it! He didn't feel the same way. Insert crying emoji.

 Let's just say I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS AT ALL. NOT AT ALL. I got hurt over and over because I didn't guard my heart. By the end of 2010 I was soo over over-analyzing guys so I made a rule...

NEVER ASSUME A GUY LIKES YOU UNTIL HE SAYS OUT LOUD (TO YOUR FACE aka NOT IN A TEXT/FB MSG,) I LIKE YOU.

If a guy likes you he should have the (excuse my language) balls to tell you he likes you. Yeah, yeah, he may be shy and you may be super intimidating but honestly, if he can't tell you he likes you, then it's probably best to assume he doesn't like you. Don't read into ANYTHING. Don't look for signs. Don't ask your friends.

If a guy likes you, he will let you know.

Ahhh, I hope this isn't sounding too harsh. I hope you know I'm sharing this because I made stupid, embarrassing mistakes and I don't want you to have to go make the same ones too. I want the best for you! And you deserve the best...starting with a guy who can tell you he likes you and wants to start a relationship with you. No dilly-dallying. If he's a huge flirt and won't tell you he likes you, may I suggest, keeping your distance aka run for the hills!!

You are worthy of someone who will pursue you, who will fight for you. When I was talking to James about this post he gave some sound advice, "If the guy won't fight for you in the beginning, there's no way he'll fight for you in your marriage." And in marriage, you want someone who will fight for you.

When I started using that rule in my relational outlook, I actually started to feel peace. I knew that the one for me would pursue me. I wouldn't assumed he liked me until he told me he liked me. And if he didn't, then that was ok, he just wasn't the one for me. Funnily though James was the next boy I liked. I applied the rule and did not assume anything! And a few months later he told me he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend...so I guess the rule worked then? ;)

xoxo,

s.s.♥︎.

ON NOT SETTLING... EVEN IF THE GUY THINKS THE SUN SHINES OUT OF YOUR BEHIND

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Valentine's Day is coming up this Saturday! Some of you are beaming ear to ear and some of you are cringing. I've been in both of these camps. This is my third Valentine's day where I've had a Valentine...the other 25 times I did not..or I guess I did in elementary school when you got Valentine's from the ENTIRE CLASS!! So with the big day coming up, I thought it would be timely for us to talk about relationships or lack of relationships and how that can be a VERY good thing.

 Growing up there were girls in my classes who were "the girl". You know, "the girl". The girl that ALL THE BOYS LOVED. I was not one of these girls. I was the girl who liked a boy who never felt the same way back. I went through a lot of years experiencing this (and it was probably a good thing!)

In my soul searching days of my early twenties I came across some very sound advice from a popular movie...

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your [BEHIND]. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." -Juno's dad.

Now looking back it was pretty good advice, yet I somehow forgot about the beginning part of Juno's father's advice and held on tight to the latter half. I needed someone who thought the world of me. I needed someone who really, really, really like me. I needed someone who thought the sun shined out of my behind. Well, at least, that's what I thought back then.

So I decided not to settle and then what do you know! I met a guy who really really really liked me. He seemed great on paper and yes, he thought the sun shined out of my behind. He was nice. He loved the Lord. We hung out a few times, he even took me out on a really nice date BUT I realized that even though he really liked me and thought the sun shined out of my behind, that wasn't enough. And THAT was a MASSIVE revelation for me. I didn't have peace about the situation. It made me really stressed and anxious. I knew deep down that he wasn't for me.

I remember someone saying to me "______ is a great guy and he likes you! Why don't you like him? Would you really rather be single?!!" And I replied, "Yes I would". And THAT was a MASSIVE confession. I admitted that I would really rather be single than be with someone that I didn't have peace about. That was HUGE for the relationship starved early twenty-something me. I was ok with being single. Heck, I even learned to like being single.

In a past relationship series, my pastor has said, "Better to be single than wish you were single!" And I can't agree more.

Being with someone just for the sake of being with someone is straight up DUMB. 

Don't settle. Don't date someone just because they really really like you. Don't get desperate this Valentine's Day. A guy will not complete you. Know your role aka know who you are. You're amazing. SERIOUSLY amazing! And you do deserve someone who thinks the world of you but them thinking the world of you isn't going to hold your relationship together. You need substance, you need foundation. And it is better to be single than wish you were single.

You got this girrrrrrl. Don't settle.

I'll be back tomorrow with tips on having the best Valentines Day whether single or not!

Love you to the moon and back!

s.s.♥︎.