LOVE OVER FEAR

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My heart is heavy tonight. As you probably know, six men died and 19 were shot in my country last night. They were shot because they were muslim and it breaks my heart because I have been naive to believe that that kinda thing would never happen north of the border in safe ol' Canada.

Like most of the world, I am extremely saddened by Trump's decision to ban immigrants from 7 nations along with stopping refugees. I know, I know NOTHING about politics and I'm no expert on terrorism but all I can think of when I think of this decision is that it was made out of FEAR. And it makes me nervous that a lot of ppl down south are going to be making decisions from a fear based mentality.

In my experience, it's hard to love when you're filled with fear. 

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." -1 John 4:18

I can't even begin to imagine those being turned around at the border. Those whose homes have been destroyed, those whose loved ones have been killed, those who are escaping real war. 

For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ 
-Matthew 25:42-45

It's a scary world out there but choosing fear will only give people a very narrow view of life. Choosing fear places labels on people....REAL PEOPLE with REAL stories and REAL hearts.

My prayer right now is that we would choose LOVE over FEAR....it may be the harder choice, but oh, it's the better choice.

xo, laura

GOODBYE 2016

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A few days ago I shared your favourite posts from 2016 but I thought I should do a little personal reflection...

Oh twenty-sixteen, you were one wild ride.

I entered the year with an optimistic outlook as per usual (my #2 strength is positivity after all!) This was the year I was going to meet my baby...the one I was waiting for, the one I had dreamed about.

In January we found out we were having a boy. Now although, I had a feeling it was a boy, the news was hard for me to take in (I shared more about this in my post, "You're having a boy!") 
I remember thinking some pretty irrational aka CRAZY thoughts...What do I do with a boy? How do I talk to a boy? How am I going to be a good mom to a boy? All I ever knew was taking care of little girls! But boy, (no pun intended lols) did those thoughts fly right on out as soon as I met Luca. I honestly couldn't imagine anything different and am secretly wishing for 3 more boys (lols...honestly I'll be so grateful with any gender!)

The rest of the year kinda blended together...a lot of good stuff happened like...

• James and I enjoyed a little baby moon in Ucluelet. Love that rugged west coast
• At work, we held our 7th Illuminate conference! We also attended the couple's retreat that our church puts on and got so rocked by the speakers! Looking forward to this years...it will be our first night away from Luca!!!
•  Our bathroom reno got started and almost finished...except for the shower. From 38 weeks pregnant until 5 days postpartum, I had to kneel in the bath, turn the tap on with a screwdriver and then either have a bath or shower under the water coming out of the pipe...not ideal but it was so worth it. I still love that bathroom so much, James (Liira Developments) did such an amazing job.

 And then the biggest moment of my life came...my little lion arrived on his due date (making his type-A mama very happy.)

Oh man, birth in itself was one WILD experience (Read Luca's full birth story here) but nothing could prepare me for becoming a mother. There's that saying that you hear and hear and hear but I never truly understood it until I had Luca...

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” 
― Elizabeth Stone

I know I talked about it on here before (like in this post!) but I experienced some intense anxiety after having Luca.

He was a bit jaundice & lost almost 10% of his birthweight. Those two things are VERY common but no one had ever talked to me about them before...or maybe I just never listened. So those first early days I was feeding him every two hours..aka at night I would sleep for 1.5 hours, feed him for 30 (ps. feeding a sleepy jaundiced baby is not for the weak) and then go back to sleep for another 1-1.5 hours. Life with a newborn is CRAZY...but thankfully I had a baby who would go to sleep.

He gained back steadily but my anxiety stayed with me. I remember going for walks with James and just crying and crying. I didn't want to leave the house because I was so afraid that something would happen to him and also the fact that I would have to nurse in public. Nursing was also a tough one for us...it took about TWO months until we got the hang of it.

I convinced myself that every grunt (and he grunted alot!) meant that something was wrong. I would watch him all the time to make sure he was breathing. And then he started crying and crying and crying. He turned out to have reflux which sorted itself out with some meds and time.

Those early days were so HARD. I was so emotional. I had no idea what I was doing. And I had no control. I think that last one was the hardest pill for me to swallow. I'm a control freak and for once in my life, I couldn't control the outcome. My only option was giving up control to God and asking the Holy Spirit to guide me as a new mom...and oh how God showed up. I also had mad support from friends and family...it's a rough time being a new mom, please reach out to someone!!

I also experienced a lot of loneliness in the summer. I'm crazy extroverted, talking to people all day at work and all of a sudden I was at home ALL day ALONE with a baby who isn't the greatest conversationalist.
James working a lot of jobs + people being away made for many moments of loneliness. Knowing it was only a season gave me comfort.
Once September hit, it got a lot better as people were back and Dream Women started back up at church (a weekly women's group with lots of moms!) 

Oh, I also turned 30 this year!! My friends threw me the greatest party and spoiled me rotten. I am soooo blessed. I also feel like a legit adult now, lols. 

My sister had my niece Amelia exactly one month after Luca and it has been so amazing to be on mat leave with my sister...my niece is the cutest...I love her to pieces!!!

October - December was a complete whirlwind! In October we went to San Diego as a family of three and it was the greatest. Luca was 4.5 months and it was the greatest age to travel. I have some travelling with a baby posts in the works, so look out for those soon!

Christmas was especially sweet this year. For once in 10 years, I wasn't working! I got to slow down and really savour the season.

I grew soooo much this year.
I feel more efficient than ever...which seems a bit odd but honestly I now feel what took me 2 hours to do takes me 30 minutes. I'm realizing how precious time is...especially nap time lols.
I feel like I was stretched more than ever before and I'm so surprised that I'm raising a tiny human! 

Every single day I look at him and still can't believe he is mine. I carried him, grew him, birthed him and now I raise him to one day release him into this world (!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Becoming a mother has been one of the most amazing things I have walked through but I want to be clear here, becoming a mother has not "completed me". I am only complete in Christ. Being his daughter is still my #1 calling and this year I'm looking forward to finding the balance between motherhood, being a wife + going back to work. It's going to be a challenge but I know God will guide me and give me the grace I need. Sorry for all the rambling...it was one heck of a year!!

Here's to 2017...the best is yet to come.

XO,
laura

PEACE AMIDST THE CHAOS

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One of my favourite Christmas carols is Silent Night (the other is O Holy Night sung by my dear hubby...get the album here!!) If you go to church on Christmas Eve, there is a pretty big chance that you will end up singing this.

My favourite moment from our Christmas Eve service last year was singing Silent Night by candlelight. Working in a church, Christmas is always a crazy time and for my role, Christmas Eve is always go-go-go. Last year I was around 16 weeks pregnant and I remember experiencing some anxiety and fears that something potentially was wrong. I remember trying so hard to keep it all together but inside I was a basket case. 

I remember grabbing James right before he had to go on stage to play and making him pray for us and the little one growing inside. I felt better after prayer but was still holding onto all the anxiety and fear.

But then comes the time to sing Silent Night. Like magic, the lights come down and 1200 candlelights appear. The image alone could bring you to tears. And then we began singing...

Silent Night , Holy Night.
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon virgin, mother and child.
Holy infant so tender and mild.
Sleep in Heavenly peace.
Sleep in Heavenly peace.

In that moment, his Heavenly peace came upon me. I couldn't do anything about the situation but I could trust him. I could choose peace amidst the chaos.

It gets me thinking about Mary. Nothing about her situation was peaceful. Donkey ride at 9 months pregnant, about to give birth and there is no room at the inn, giving birth in a barn/cave and then laying your baby in a feeding trough with animals around yet I can't help but feel peace when I read this line in the gospel of Luke, "They (the shepherds) hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby lying in the manger." In all of this, I see God showing us that his peace can and will show up in the hardest of situations.

God's gift to the world.... Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us, the prince of peace. I love the prophecy of Christ in Luke 1:78-79...

"Because of God's tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace."

As I went to sleep that Christmas Eve, I slept in Heavenly peace. I didn't know what was happening in my womb but I knew God was at work and I could trust him.

I made this print for Luca's room and I have been praying/singing Silent Night over him for awhile now. My prayer for him (and you and me!) is that he would sleep in heavenly peace no matter the situations around him. Life can be crazy, chaotic and sometimes extremely hard but I want him to know that there is a God who loves him, and is at work, even when he can't see it. 

DOWNLOAD ALL IS CALM HERE
DOWNLOAD SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE HERE

So whatever your circumstance may be, my prayer for you is that the peace of Christ would meet you amidst the chaos. Things may be crazy but hold on to Him. He is faithful, he is at work and he loves you.

and ps. everything worked out with Luca, I had some fears that I was leaking some fluid (and it could have been happening) but there was nothing I could do that early on except trust in God...thankfully everything seemed okay and at 39.5 weeks I started leaking again, a small tear was found and at 40 weeks, out came Luca! (Read Luca's full birth story here!)

XO,
Laura

TRUST HOPE LOVE

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A few days ago I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 and the words above jumped right off the page. Trust steadily (in God), hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. I was moved, challenged, and inspired and I immediately wrote them down. 

I want to be a woman who trusts steadily in God even (and especially) when things don't go as planned. I want to hope unswervingly even in the most dismal outlook. And love...this may be the most challenging one of all...to love extravagantly...going beyond what is justified or deserved...the way how He loves us.

XO,
laura

YOU'RE HAVING A BOY

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All of my life, I've aways pictured being a momma to a little girl. I'm a girlie girl. I love getting dressed up and playing with makeup. I'm a passionate believer that girls can be preachers, presidents, etc, etc. For goodness sake, I started a conference for girls and have held it for 7 years because I believe in empowering girls!

 In every daydream about the future, I'd have a few kids but a girl would always be my firstborn. I'd encourage her that she was loved and valued and that her voice mattered. She would know that she was more than just a pretty face, that God had an incredible purpose for her and that she could dream big and not let her gender limit her. I couldn't wait to raise my baby girl.

But then I found out I was having a boy. And to be honest, I kinda knew it was a boy but I was hoping for a girl. Right after God told me I was pregnant I found myself addressing my belly as "little guy"....it was natural instinct. But my hope for a girl outweighed my gut feeling that I was having a boy. Throughout the first 20 weeks, I mainly looked at girls' clothing...so many cute pink things. I envisioned a pink and gold nursery. I had convinced my heart that I was carrying a girl. 

Fast forward to right before our ultrasound...my guess was a boy but there was still a little piece of hope that we were having a girl. So we go in and marvel at the video of our beautiful baby. There is something so incredible about seeing your baby moving. It was also the first ultrasound that James' was able to attend, so that made it extra special. We had a student conduct the ultrasound and thank goodness we were finding out because she dropped "he" at least three times...haha. We were also pretty sure as we spotted what looked like a little boy part..ha! Afterwards I stalked my doctor's office until they could tell me the results and yes, they confirmed, I was having a boy.

I was having a boy. Not a girl, but a little boy. James and I had headed to the mall to grab some food and I remember eating Opa with tears running down my face. It was hitting me. I was having a boy. I had to shut the door (for now) on all my little girl dreams and honestly, that was a hard thing. BOYS! I knew nothing about boys. What on earth was I going to do with a boy!!?!?! I'm pretty sure James was a bit worried that I wasn't going to love our child...hahah. And obviously that wasn't the case, but I needed a couple days to grieve the idea of a little girl. It was all that I had imagined for the past 20 years so naturally it would take some time.

But I have the greatest friends BTW. As soon as I told my bestie, she started pinning incredible baby boy shower and nursery images to our pin board. I started to get a bit more excited. I also went and picked out some cute baby boy clothing because shopping always lifts my mood, ha. It took about two days for me to grieve the idea of the girl and fully embrace the idea of a boy. Who knew how much healing pinterest and shopping could bring...lols. Another friend gently counselled me and let me know that it was okay to be sad. She encouraged me that it would change and I would be excited but it's okay to cry right now. Oh, how I needed that.

And now, oh my goodness, God knew what he was doing in giving us a little boy first. I honestly, can't imagine anything else. 

Instead of raising a girl that is empowered, we get to raise a boy who will empower. We get to teach him what it means to respect the opposite gender, to fight for fairness and equality, to walk humbly and live life with integrity. I'm raising a moG (man of God) people and it is the greatest thing ever. I have fallen in love with my little prince and he has fallen in love with me. The little smiles and cooing he gives me melts my heart every time. I know as he grows he is going to bring so much out of me. He's going to make me bolder and stronger...he already has as I've embraced that mama bear spirit. I feel like I'm going to die the day that he tells me I'm beautiful. He's my prince, my little lion king and I am so in love.

As I was folding up his newborn clothes last week, I found myself hoping for another boy...ha. I seriously see myself like Lisa Bevere (or Helena Stones!!) raising four incredible boys. But who knows what the Lord has in store? What I do know is that we can make plans, but ultimately, God's plan is the best plan for our lives. He knows what's best. He knows what our hearts need even if we don't (which is often, ha).

Be encouraged today that if your plan is failing, that may be a good thing. God is at work and will give you the strength you need to handle the plan he has for you. God has given me and will continue to give me the strength I need to raise this boy (HELLO, I will be screaming for his help when Luca gets older, ha!!) He's a good father and knows our hearts more than anyone else. You can be sure that he won't fail you or let you down but give you exactly what you need because He loves you too much to give you what you want.

I'm over the moon in love with my little man and now I couldn't imagine it any other way.

XOXO,
laura