Today I am 32. I don't know what it is but I look at that picture above and I feel that I look 32...which is odd to me because I feel like I've been 29 for the past 5 years...and will say I'm 29 for at least five more. 

My 31st year (or was last year my 32nd year? I can't remember how that works...I'm pretty sure it's my 32nd come to think of it because this fall London will turn 1 but this whole year was her first year so scratch that, it was my 32nd year!) was a crazy one. It went by in an instant.

With us getting pregnant January 2017, I went back to work one month early so by my birthday last year, I had one month left of working and had a 14 month old little lion. It seems so surreal that one year later, I go back to work in just over a month, have a TWO year old and a baby girl who is turning ONE in less than two months!! INSANE.

31 went by waaaay too quickly! I started out by finishing work, then waiting for London to come and between that my beloved Nana Rosa passed away.

And then London came on October 19th, 2017 and we had TWO children under the age of 16 months. It was pure insanity. So so special but such a blur. I can remember certain moments from those early days but it breaks my heart with how much was a whirlwind. 

2018 came and I felt like I could finally take a breath. I slowly got the hang of taking care of two kiddos and I sloooooowed down. I neglected this space for awhile...I'm sorry but I can only do so much.

We went to Mexico and NYC and had some good times with family. But there were also LOTS of hard times. Hard times where I got mad at the kids or mad at James or mad at something. Remember instagram often shows the highlight reel. There is sooo much more behind the scenes that isn't shared.

But God was always there, giving me new mercy after new mercy. I've come to know His grace for this season in a huge way. My devotions look different than they once did and I know one day they'll be that again but He knows I need sleep in this season...and I'm learning to give myself a bit more grace.

Things I learned this past year:

  • It's ok to not have it all together. 
    I'm a bit of a control freak and this whole past year was out of my control and you know what, I survived. It's ok to not be at your goal weight. It's ok to put your career on hold. It's ok for your house to be a mess. It's ok.
  • Slow down and enjoy the season.
    This summer was one of sloooowing down. We went to lots of parks and lots of playdates. We didn't accomplish a whole lot but that's ok. I made memories with my favourite people and that's what counts.
  • God's grace is always there.
    Like I said before, I felt his grace more than ever. I made mistakes, said things I shouldn't and yelled at my kids. My devotions were nothing like they've been in the past but God was so gracious to me. He loves me because I am his child not because of my efforts. He gave me strength to be a mama and a wife and he will continue to do so. He gave me peace in those early postpartum days and hope when things were tough. He is a faithful God.
  • Kindness is important.
    I didn't talk much about my word for 2018 but it was KINDNESS. Kindness is something I need to work on and I'm still working on it but what I do know is that it is dang important. 

Goals for 32:

I have a few goals which I'll be working on but in a nutshell my main plan is to focus on:

  • JESUS. Get back to consistent daily devotions. I'm about to order a 40 day prayer devotional. London sleeps through the night so I really have no excuse. I can go to bed earlier and wake up early.
  • FAMILY. When I return to work, I'll be going down to four days a week. My plan is to be very intentional on those Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays. I signed Luca up for gymnastics so I'm excited to have some dates with him there!
  • HEALTH. I have totally neglected my health and I am feeling it. My goal is to get signed up to a gym in September and commit to working out/running/walking 3x a week.
  • WORK. I have a new role at work and it freaks me out in the best of ways! I get to do what I'm passionate about but I'm going to reallly need Jesus' strength!

I have some more things I want to work on but I'm trying to simplify it! 

31, you were one for the books....crazy amazing, but also crazy hard. 32, I'm coming for you!


All photos by Rachael Alexandra Co