Today's one word comes from my friend Kristy. Kristy and I have been friends for a number of years. We've been on many adventures together including seeing JT live!! Kristy has a beautiful voice (figuratively and literally)...take it away girl...
I first heard of the “one word” a few years ago with Laura at an amazing women’s conference called “She Loves”. I came away thinking that it was a cool thought but never put much more into it.
However, for some reason this year it's been jumping at me to consider.
So since Laura’s first post about her “one word brunch,” (which, if you know those ladies, you know it was most definitely as good as it looked in the pictures), I have been seriously giving it some thought and prayer about what my one word would be.
The past couple of years have been ruled by health struggles and more specifically this year, emotional struggles. Through most of it, I took on a “survivor mentality”... not letting anything get me down or stop me from participating or continuing on with life...“eliminating the interruption”. Looking back, I should have allowed myself to be content with the need to rest but I let fears of being forgotten, or left out or missing out get in the way of that much needed rest.
This past fall everything was too much to hold and I broke. I fell into a season of depression, something I never thought I would suffer from. It is not something that is easily understood, and not something that is easily ‘fixed’. And I learned it can take a toll on a lot of things, especially friendships.
It's definitely been a process but I can honestly say, with a smile and giving full credit to God, that I am much further ahead emotionally than I was even a couple of months ago.
SO — that being said, when considering my one word I thought for sure it was going to be “Joy” or “Hope”. But the word that God gave me was “FEAR”. I know, not too positive but it was followed with “TRUST”. The word is about facing it, and in turn trust God in the result of facing it.
Once I realized what my one word was, God challenged me on this ‘word’. I had to make a decision to not take part in something this summer that I was really looking forward to, a summer worship school at Bethel Church.
Through conversation, and prayer with leaders, I decided with all that's going on in focusing on getting well etc, that it wasn’t the best timing. AND I also realized that I didn’t have fear in saying yes to the go BUT I was so fearful of saying yes to His no. Fear of what it meant for me in not going, where would leave me in our ministry here at home, as a bunch of my friends from team are heading down, and also fear of missing out in time spent away with friends.
SO— I knew that I had to say no. I had to face those fears, and trust God that he has something for me in my continuous journey of healing.
Ever since realizing that this was my word, I have been challenged in facing other fears. It amazes me how much fear is connected to a lot of other things, like not feeling good enough, and diminishing my capabilities and gifts.
Lately God has been challenging me to write. One way of facing it is with this submission to S.S. Heart. So here I am, facing a fear.
“Do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows” - Matt 10:31
"The fear of man brings a snare, but trusting in the Lord will keep you safe." -Proverbs 29:25
Thank you Laura for creating a place for vulnerability and for beautiful hearts to open up.