HOW TO BE HAPPY ON VALENTINE'S DAY WITHOUT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Oh, Valentine’s Day. Some of us say that with an “ohhhh, Valentine’s Day!!” And some of us say that with an “oh. valentine’s day (barf barf).” What camp are you in?
It’s funny because before I was married, I liked Valentine’s Day a whole lot more. I remember LOVING going to school on Valentine’s Day. Dressing up, heart shaped cookies, writing cute Valentines…you name it, I did it all…and ironically, I was SINGLE! Now, it’s just another day but this year I booked myself a massage and bought some cute cookie cutters to use with the kiddos.
Oh, Valentine’s Day. Some of us say that with an “ohhhh, Valentine’s Day!!” And some of us say that with an “oh. valentine’s day (barf barf).” What camp are you in?
It’s funny because before I was married, I liked Valentine’s Day a whole lot more. I remember LOVING going to school on Valentine’s Day. Dressing up, heart shaped cookies, writing cute Valentines…you name it, I did it all…and ironically, I was SINGLE! Now, it’s just another day but this year I booked myself a massage and bought some cute cookie cutters to use with the kiddos.
A few years ago I wrote a post on do’s and don’t’s of VDAY and I thought it would be fun to resurrect it! I was single for a lot longer than I’ve been married, and I’m telling you, you can enjoy Valentines day without hiding from the world or compromising your values.
HOW TO BE HAPPY ON VALENTINE’S DAY
DO
1. Choose joy. Joy is a choice that’s not based on circumstances. Choose it and keep choosing it.
2. Spread love to others. Make some cookies for your co-workers or hand some out to homeless people. It’s hard to be lonely and sad when you’re focused on others!
2. Eat chocolate.
3. Hang with friends! Watch a comedy, go out for dinner, have a party.
4. Enjoy your freedom. Go to bed early. Go to bed late. Go for a drive. Plan a trip. Do what YOU want to do before you have to consider someone else in your decisions.
5. Do some self care. Do a face mask. Get a pedicure. Book a counselling appointment. Go to the gym. Do what your soul needs.
6. Journal/pray how you really feel. God already knows your heart and is there to listen. He is the one who can give you true peace.
DON’T
1. Watch too many chick flicks.
2. Pin your future wedding.
3. Not eat chocolate.
4. Think that you’re going to be alone forever.
5. Settle for creeps on tinder, bumble, etc etc
At the end of the day, Valentine’s is JUST a day. Don’t let it dictate how you should feel. Show it who’s boss (that’s YOU, incase you were wondering ;)
XO,
Laura
SIX YEARS OF MARRIAGE + SOME MARRIAGE ADVICE
Throughout these six years we've soared on glorious highs and crawled through rocky lows. No marriage is perfect. We've had seasons where all we could do was keep our head above water. There are days where we annoy the heck out of each other BUT throughout all of it, we have seen God's faithfulness. We have seen that he has truly brought us together and as we trust in him, we both know that he will keep us together.
Today James and I have been married for SIX YEARS. My goodness, we're four years away from ten years!!
It feels like it's been a day and it feels like it's been 100 years.
Throughout these six years we've soared on glorious highs and crawled through rocky lows. No marriage is perfect. We've had seasons where all we could do was keep our head above water. There are days where we annoy the heck out of each other BUT throughout all of it, we have seen God's faithfulness. We have seen that he has truly brought us together and as we trust in him, we both know that he will keep us together.
Kids throw a giant wrench into your married relationship. And for seasons you do what you can do to survive...that was us for the first 4 months of London's life.
BUT we always try to remember that our marriage comes first and kids come second. It's easy to say but much harder to do and this one is a daily challenge!
I often get asked marriage advice (which is a bit crazy as it's only been 6 years!!) here's what I usually say:
MARRIAGE TIPS
- Keep God the centre. Again so easy to say but harder to do. For me this means, praying with your spouse, praying for your spouse, declaring God's promises over your marriage (especially through the rough times). Ask God what your next steps are.
- During conflict, remember that you are on the same team. The problem (kids, money, etc) is not between you (even if you have different opinions). You are side by side and the problem is across from you and you are called to work together with your spouse to tackle the problem. The problem is not between you!
- Talk it out. Obviously communication is HUGE. In the early days, I often had to remind myself that James could not read my mind. If something is bugging you, BRING IT UP. Don't bottle it up, you'll just resent your spouse. Talk it out.
- Have sex. Sex strengthens your marriage. It's a gift from God not to be abused or unused. Use this gift.
- Have intentional time together! Schedule a date and go out together! Get off your phone and talk to each other. Have fun and enjoy each other!
- No phones in the bedroom. This one has been a game changer for us!!! We haven't had electronics in the bedroom for over 2 years and it is such a peaceful environment. We're not really good at going to bed at the same time but I want to work on that one!
- Put your marriage before your kids. I talked about this above but I always go back to this quote....Tell your kids that they came into your life not the other way around. Don't ignore your spouse. It's a hard one for mamas because at the end of the day you are sooo touched out, ha! But make time for your hubby. It's important.
I'd love to hear your favourite marriage advice! Let me know in the comments!
Happy anniversary James. Love you for life and I'm I 100% believe that our best days are ahead of us. The best is yet to be. xoxoox
5 YEARS
Today marks five years of being married to my best friend and love, James. Through five years we've had amazing milestones- missions trip to India, vacations, buying a house, having a baby, getting pregnant with #2 and so so so much more.
Five years of so many moments. Moments of pure joy. Moments of craziness. Moments of pain. Moments of love. So so many moments. I can't reflect on our marriage without acknowledging God's faithfulness. A few weeks back in church we were singing this song and I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought about the past five years...
I will sing of all You've done
I'll remember how far You carried me
From beginning until the end
You are faithful, faithful to the end
There wasn't a day
That You weren't by my side
There wasn't a day
That You let me fall
All of my life
Your love has been true
Through every single moment, God was there. Through the incredibly beautiful ones, through the excruciating painful ones..He was there, holding us together, carrying us through.
I'd love to give some practical advice on marriage but the main thing that has held us together has been JESUS. It's not every story, but it's our story and all that I know to make a marriage work! Other practical things that have been good for us have been:
- being friends...actually enjoying each other's company..with the phone put away (so hard for me!),
- remembering you're on the same team when you disagree...the issue is not between you...you are together and your job is to work through the issue not let it tear you a part
- clearly communicating...always have to remind myself, James cannot read my mind, ha.
- don't be so serious all the time
- kiss a lot...hug and hold...hug for at least 1 minute and think nice thoughts about your spouse!
- invite people into your life...we're really trying to get better at this as life has been so nutso entering parenthood but it's one we value so much when we make the time to be with others!!
I look back on the past five years with such thankfulness. I'm so thankful that God gave me you, James Peter Liira. And I look forward to our future with such hope and anticipation because I'm believing our best days are still yet to come. Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
all photos by AMERIS
#TBT...3 POSTS ON RELATIONSHIPS, BEING SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY & NOT SETTLING
Last year I went all out on the love/dating/not dating advice by producing THREE posts for you (I guess 4 if you count my what I've learned from 2.5 years of marriage post ha). I still feel like a rookie in offering dating/marriage advice but I can only share from personal experience! So instead of writing all new content (which is kinda impossible for this pregnancy brain infused Laura) I'm linking up incase you didn't read them last year or need a little refresher!
And if you're local to Victoria and have no Valentines plans then come to CHURCH :)
xo,
laura
BUDGETING AS A MARRIED COUPLE
So remember when we talked about budgeting a couple of months ago? I shared why I started budgeting and how I got out of debt and today I'm sharing all about budgeting as a married couple. I'd love to say that budgeting is simply a THRILLING topic to talk about in your marriage but you all would know that I'd be straight up LYING. It can be fun at times, but at other times it can be just dreadful...because no one wants to be the one crushing the dreams and talking about money (or lack of) all the time. Money is a funny thing that can be used to make people distracted/angry/greedy/etc or it can be something that is used to glorify God. We try to make it the latter.
As I wrote before, it is very important to me to be accountable to every dollar I make. This was very easy for me as a single person with one debit card BUT add another person and another debit card and this can get a little bit tricky. This is where something like MINT sets you up for a win.
Before we got married, we sat down on mint and created a budget that we thought would work for us. With mint, you connect all your accounts and credit cards and then all your transactions start appearing. You can then organize those onto different budgets. Mint shows you where all your money is going.
I'd love to say every month, we're under or on budget but nope we're still learning. Some weeks I'm so busy I barely go on Mint and then all of a sudden I check and I'm all like OH MY GOSH WE HAVE $20 IN THE GROCERY BUDGET TO LAST US UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH. Food is the #1 budget we go over in...ha.
We're not experts but here's the advice I have for you on budgeting as a married couple.
1. SET YOUR BUDGET ACCORDING TO YOUR PRIORITIES/GOALS
It's good to get on the same page as a married couple on where you want to spend your money. Is saving up for a house a priority? Do you tithe? And how much? (Ps. I'll be talking about tithing next week!) For us, tithing is a HUGE priority so we make sure it's clearly in our budget. Do you have a clothing allowance? Set the budget and be willing to compromise.
2. LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS
Be wise. Budgeting is all about living with in (and under) your means. But as a married couple sometimes you can get carried away with things (travelling, new cars, buying expensive clothes, house renovations). For us it's real hard to not dive into renos...our bathroom doesn't even have baseboards BUT we know right now we're not financially set up for that so we make do with what we have.
3. DON'T LET MONEY COME BETWEEN YOU
It's real easy to fight about money. Those fights are never worth it. Money comes and goes. Your relationship happiness should not depend on what is in the bank. Stressed about money? Make a plan, set a budget and stick to it. Determine to not let money come between your relationship.
above image taken by Amy Gary Photography
I'd love to hear your tips for budgeting as a married couple! Please share them in the comments :)
xo,
s.s.♥︎.