HOW TO BE HAPPY ON VALENTINE'S DAY WITHOUT A SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Oh, Valentine’s Day. Some of us say that with an “ohhhh, Valentine’s Day!!” And some of us say that with an “oh. valentine’s day (barf barf).” What camp are you in?
It’s funny because before I was married, I liked Valentine’s Day a whole lot more. I remember LOVING going to school on Valentine’s Day. Dressing up, heart shaped cookies, writing cute Valentines…you name it, I did it all…and ironically, I was SINGLE! Now, it’s just another day but this year I booked myself a massage and bought some cute cookie cutters to use with the kiddos.
Oh, Valentine’s Day. Some of us say that with an “ohhhh, Valentine’s Day!!” And some of us say that with an “oh. valentine’s day (barf barf).” What camp are you in?
It’s funny because before I was married, I liked Valentine’s Day a whole lot more. I remember LOVING going to school on Valentine’s Day. Dressing up, heart shaped cookies, writing cute Valentines…you name it, I did it all…and ironically, I was SINGLE! Now, it’s just another day but this year I booked myself a massage and bought some cute cookie cutters to use with the kiddos.
A few years ago I wrote a post on do’s and don’t’s of VDAY and I thought it would be fun to resurrect it! I was single for a lot longer than I’ve been married, and I’m telling you, you can enjoy Valentines day without hiding from the world or compromising your values.
HOW TO BE HAPPY ON VALENTINE’S DAY
DO
1. Choose joy. Joy is a choice that’s not based on circumstances. Choose it and keep choosing it.
2. Spread love to others. Make some cookies for your co-workers or hand some out to homeless people. It’s hard to be lonely and sad when you’re focused on others!
2. Eat chocolate.
3. Hang with friends! Watch a comedy, go out for dinner, have a party.
4. Enjoy your freedom. Go to bed early. Go to bed late. Go for a drive. Plan a trip. Do what YOU want to do before you have to consider someone else in your decisions.
5. Do some self care. Do a face mask. Get a pedicure. Book a counselling appointment. Go to the gym. Do what your soul needs.
6. Journal/pray how you really feel. God already knows your heart and is there to listen. He is the one who can give you true peace.
DON’T
1. Watch too many chick flicks.
2. Pin your future wedding.
3. Not eat chocolate.
4. Think that you’re going to be alone forever.
5. Settle for creeps on tinder, bumble, etc etc
At the end of the day, Valentine’s is JUST a day. Don’t let it dictate how you should feel. Show it who’s boss (that’s YOU, incase you were wondering ;)
XO,
Laura
SIX YEARS OF MARRIAGE + SOME MARRIAGE ADVICE
Throughout these six years we've soared on glorious highs and crawled through rocky lows. No marriage is perfect. We've had seasons where all we could do was keep our head above water. There are days where we annoy the heck out of each other BUT throughout all of it, we have seen God's faithfulness. We have seen that he has truly brought us together and as we trust in him, we both know that he will keep us together.
Today James and I have been married for SIX YEARS. My goodness, we're four years away from ten years!!
It feels like it's been a day and it feels like it's been 100 years.
Throughout these six years we've soared on glorious highs and crawled through rocky lows. No marriage is perfect. We've had seasons where all we could do was keep our head above water. There are days where we annoy the heck out of each other BUT throughout all of it, we have seen God's faithfulness. We have seen that he has truly brought us together and as we trust in him, we both know that he will keep us together.
Kids throw a giant wrench into your married relationship. And for seasons you do what you can do to survive...that was us for the first 4 months of London's life.
BUT we always try to remember that our marriage comes first and kids come second. It's easy to say but much harder to do and this one is a daily challenge!
I often get asked marriage advice (which is a bit crazy as it's only been 6 years!!) here's what I usually say:
MARRIAGE TIPS
- Keep God the centre. Again so easy to say but harder to do. For me this means, praying with your spouse, praying for your spouse, declaring God's promises over your marriage (especially through the rough times). Ask God what your next steps are.
- During conflict, remember that you are on the same team. The problem (kids, money, etc) is not between you (even if you have different opinions). You are side by side and the problem is across from you and you are called to work together with your spouse to tackle the problem. The problem is not between you!
- Talk it out. Obviously communication is HUGE. In the early days, I often had to remind myself that James could not read my mind. If something is bugging you, BRING IT UP. Don't bottle it up, you'll just resent your spouse. Talk it out.
- Have sex. Sex strengthens your marriage. It's a gift from God not to be abused or unused. Use this gift.
- Have intentional time together! Schedule a date and go out together! Get off your phone and talk to each other. Have fun and enjoy each other!
- No phones in the bedroom. This one has been a game changer for us!!! We haven't had electronics in the bedroom for over 2 years and it is such a peaceful environment. We're not really good at going to bed at the same time but I want to work on that one!
- Put your marriage before your kids. I talked about this above but I always go back to this quote....Tell your kids that they came into your life not the other way around. Don't ignore your spouse. It's a hard one for mamas because at the end of the day you are sooo touched out, ha! But make time for your hubby. It's important.
I'd love to hear your favourite marriage advice! Let me know in the comments!
Happy anniversary James. Love you for life and I'm I 100% believe that our best days are ahead of us. The best is yet to be. xoxoox
5 YEARS
Today marks five years of being married to my best friend and love, James. Through five years we've had amazing milestones- missions trip to India, vacations, buying a house, having a baby, getting pregnant with #2 and so so so much more.
Five years of so many moments. Moments of pure joy. Moments of craziness. Moments of pain. Moments of love. So so many moments. I can't reflect on our marriage without acknowledging God's faithfulness. A few weeks back in church we were singing this song and I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought about the past five years...
I will sing of all You've done
I'll remember how far You carried me
From beginning until the end
You are faithful, faithful to the end
There wasn't a day
That You weren't by my side
There wasn't a day
That You let me fall
All of my life
Your love has been true
Through every single moment, God was there. Through the incredibly beautiful ones, through the excruciating painful ones..He was there, holding us together, carrying us through.
I'd love to give some practical advice on marriage but the main thing that has held us together has been JESUS. It's not every story, but it's our story and all that I know to make a marriage work! Other practical things that have been good for us have been:
- being friends...actually enjoying each other's company..with the phone put away (so hard for me!),
- remembering you're on the same team when you disagree...the issue is not between you...you are together and your job is to work through the issue not let it tear you a part
- clearly communicating...always have to remind myself, James cannot read my mind, ha.
- don't be so serious all the time
- kiss a lot...hug and hold...hug for at least 1 minute and think nice thoughts about your spouse!
- invite people into your life...we're really trying to get better at this as life has been so nutso entering parenthood but it's one we value so much when we make the time to be with others!!
I look back on the past five years with such thankfulness. I'm so thankful that God gave me you, James Peter Liira. And I look forward to our future with such hope and anticipation because I'm believing our best days are still yet to come. Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.
all photos by AMERIS
4 YEARS MARRIED
Oh, look how far we've come. Four years of marriage and here I sit at 5:30am pumping and typing while you feed our baby. Real life babe. It's not as glamorous as our year two celebration at that gorgeous cabin on the ocean or our couple's massage, amazing dinner and hotel stay last year. It will be our first anniversary where we actually stay in our own home and as soon as we do get home from dinner, I may have to feed a crying baby. But you know what, this is my favourite one yet.
Because this year is different from the rest. We've seen vulnerability in each other on a whole new level. You saw me at my worst but yet my best moment as I brought our boy earth side and you loved me even more. Do you know how much it meant to me when you said that was the greatest moment of your life? Hollywood and society has made birth to be something that's messy and gross. It is messy, but it ain't gross. People say "you'll never see your wife the same way" and they mean that to be a bad thing. That saying is true for us but instead of it being a bad thing, it's a good thing.
I see myself different in your eyes now. You told me I was your hero and that you were so proud of me. You told me I was stronger than ever. And even more beautiful than before. And I believed you love. I still believe you. You took care of me when I was a mess, emotionally and physically, a big ol mess...with all the difficult things postpartum life brings. You did drugstore runs, getting what no man ever wants to be seen with at the checkout. And you did it without complaining because you love me.
Ha, boy did Hollywood get it wrong. Even though I weigh much more now than I did on our wedding day, I can see more love in your eyes. It's deeper, it's stronger, it's more.
We're proving the world wrong love. Marriage after a baby is a beautiful thing.
And the way you love our son. Oh, my heart melts seeing him light up when you're around and then looking at you, looking at him. Stick a fork in me, I am done. It's just too much.
And it's been hard, excruciating hard. I've yelled too many times. I've cried, you've cried, there have been oceans of tears. But he's shaping us, I see it, you see it. God's shaping us to be more like him. As we figure out this parent thing along with this marriage thing we're experiencing more and more of his grace. We're learning how crucial it is to depend on him.
As we grow we're both becoming more aware that we have no idea what we're doing but I think that's exactly where he wants us. That way our pride is stripped away and we realize just how much we need him and each other.
So happy to be on this beautiful, messy, scary yet exciting journey with you.
Love you more than ever.
Happy Anniversary,
XO,
laura
All photos by AMERIS
#TBT...3 POSTS ON RELATIONSHIPS, BEING SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY & NOT SETTLING
Last year I went all out on the love/dating/not dating advice by producing THREE posts for you (I guess 4 if you count my what I've learned from 2.5 years of marriage post ha). I still feel like a rookie in offering dating/marriage advice but I can only share from personal experience! So instead of writing all new content (which is kinda impossible for this pregnancy brain infused Laura) I'm linking up incase you didn't read them last year or need a little refresher!
And if you're local to Victoria and have no Valentines plans then come to CHURCH :)
xo,
laura