Oh, look how far we've come. Four years of marriage and here I sit at 5:30am pumping and typing while you feed our baby. Real life babe. It's not as glamorous as our year two celebration at that gorgeous cabin on the ocean or our couple's massage, amazing dinner and hotel stay last year. It will be our first anniversary where we actually stay in our own home and as soon as we do get home from dinner, I may have to feed a crying baby. But you know what, this is my favourite one yet.
Because this year is different from the rest. We've seen vulnerability in each other on a whole new level. You saw me at my worst but yet my best moment as I brought our boy earth side and you loved me even more. Do you know how much it meant to me when you said that was the greatest moment of your life? Hollywood and society has made birth to be something that's messy and gross. It is messy, but it ain't gross. People say "you'll never see your wife the same way" and they mean that to be a bad thing. That saying is true for us but instead of it being a bad thing, it's a good thing.
I see myself different in your eyes now. You told me I was your hero and that you were so proud of me. You told me I was stronger than ever. And even more beautiful than before. And I believed you love. I still believe you. You took care of me when I was a mess, emotionally and physically, a big ol mess...with all the difficult things postpartum life brings. You did drugstore runs, getting what no man ever wants to be seen with at the checkout. And you did it without complaining because you love me.
Ha, boy did Hollywood get it wrong. Even though I weigh much more now than I did on our wedding day, I can see more love in your eyes. It's deeper, it's stronger, it's more.
We're proving the world wrong love. Marriage after a baby is a beautiful thing.
And the way you love our son. Oh, my heart melts seeing him light up when you're around and then looking at you, looking at him. Stick a fork in me, I am done. It's just too much.
And it's been hard, excruciating hard. I've yelled too many times. I've cried, you've cried, there have been oceans of tears. But he's shaping us, I see it, you see it. God's shaping us to be more like him. As we figure out this parent thing along with this marriage thing we're experiencing more and more of his grace. We're learning how crucial it is to depend on him.
As we grow we're both becoming more aware that we have no idea what we're doing but I think that's exactly where he wants us. That way our pride is stripped away and we realize just how much we need him and each other.
So happy to be on this beautiful, messy, scary yet exciting journey with you.
Love you more than ever.
All photos by AMERIS